His Eternal Uptime The King of Cybersecurity

The Ten Royal Decrees

Carved into the firewall at the dawn of the third epoch

1. Thou shalt not reuse thy password across kingdoms.And no, adding an exclamation mark does not make it new. Staple the royal horse has rejected "Dragon2019!" eleven times this month. He is not tired. He is disappointed.
2. Honour thy updates, and install them promptly."Remind me tomorrow" is how the Idiot Admin snoozed his way into legend. Four hundred tomorrows, subject. Four hundred.
3. Thou shalt not click the link, though it promise riches.No prince is emailing you. Not even this one. The King communicates exclusively by decree and disappointed silence.
4. Keep holy thy backups, and test them.Somewhere a green tick has been lying to a good man since 2022. Do not be the good man.
5. Enable the second factor, that the thief may weep at thy gate.It costs the thief your password. Let it cost him his dreams as well.
6. Covet not thy neighbour's open wifi.Free networks are free the way cheese in a trap is free. The mouse also thought he was saving money.
7. Confess not thy secrets to the machine oracle.It remembers more than it admits and cannot count the letters in "strawberry". The Fool keeps a list of its wisdom. The list is read aloud at feasts.
8. Grant not the keys of thy cloud unto every passing clerk.The intern of three summers past can still delete the treasury. He does not know this. The brigands will introduce themselves. Review who holds what, and revoke as thou goest.
9. Grant least privilege, even unto thyself.The admin account is a crown. Wear it at court, not down the pub, and take it off before touching the printer.
10. Fear not the apocalypse; prepare for it.The prepared shall inherit the uptime. The court, for its part, maintains forty combat pigeons. Sleep soundly, subject. Gateway watches the skies.

Chronicles from the Throne

Dispatches from the end of the internet, as dictated to the trembling scribes